Ohio Mom Musings

My Final Post - ADHD & Gluten-Free

2010-04-13T19:18:00.006-04:00

This is my final post. I just have too much going on to keep up with it, although I enjoy writing to the bloggersphere. In my final post, I would like to tell you how my gluten-free experiment worked with our son who has ADHD.

In the fourth quarter of the previous school year, I decided to try my son on a gluten free diet. So, without telling his teacher, I took him off of all wheat.

Our school system uses a green, yellow, blue, red card system to help monitor behavior. A green card indicates good behavior, yellow is a warning, etc. Before he went gluten free, his chance of getting a green card any one day was 40 to 50% each month. We took him off of wheat for the last month and a half of school, which was 30 school days. In that 30 day period, he received a green card every day but two days! And on one of those two days, I intentionally gave him wheat toast for breakfast to see if it would make a difference. So, his chance of getting a green card when he didn't eat wheat was 28 out of 29 days, or 96.5%! Compared to 40 to 50% the first 7 months of the school year! His chance of getting a green card when he ate wheat for breakfast was 0/1 or 0%. I still have the behavior charts for the year to prove this. His teacher, the one giving out the "color" for the day, and who had been giving him the color cards all year, had no idea we had changed his diet. I also didn't tell my son why he couldn't eat wheat, I just told him he had to eat x, y, z. He was 7 at the time.

For whatever reason, wheat/ gluten affects my son's behavior and concentration. He has had a much better school year this year. The percentages haven't been as great, because I haven't been as strict with his diet as I was during that first experimental time. It's very hard to keep wheat completely from him, especially on the weekends. His loves his pb&j and cookies. But he improved in both behavior and school work this year. He averages a 70 to 80% chance of getting a green card each month.

Anecdotally, I also witnessed the effect diet had on him. He tried out for a play at the local community theatre, and was cast in the play, It's a Wonderful Life. It was an adult play (bad idea for a first foray in theatre), so he had sit still a lot waiting for his turn. And I had to sit there and keep him in line. I noticed a dramatic difference when he had eaten something with wheat in it that day, he would be bouncing all over the place, constantly talking, spinning around, etc. When he didn't eat wheat, he wasn't a perfect angel, but he was willing to sit down and work on coloring books or word finds.

I am not saying this as a blanket declaration for all kids with ADHD, but it's evidence enough to me that a gluten free diet is helping to control some of my son's symptoms. Maybe he doesn't have true ADHD, he just had some type of allergic reaction to wheat. I really don't know. He still has trouble sitting still at times, and he really struggles with reading comprehension（like his dad), but it's manageable. So far we're doing good without medication, but I'm not ruling it out. Also, I'm attempting to take away more and more wheat from the whole family's diet, so it's not a temptation for him.

Thanks for listening! Auf Wiedersehen!

Never Be Afraid to Try Something New

2009-05-14T13:32:00.001-04:00

My friend sent me this, I think it's a great quote, and inspires me to keep trying:

Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

I need that reminder... so I don't put labels on myself that I feel I can't get away from.

Suggestions for ADHD Intervention Strategies

2009-04-13T17:41:00.000-04:00

In my meeting with the education team at Greg's school this week, I want to take a list of intervention strategies for him. Here's what I've got so far - if you know of any more, add a comment.

1. More time on computer with headphones. He can much more easily concentrate on the computer and the headphones block out distraction.

2. Instead of going to the "specials" classes every day (they rotate gym, art, etc) where he always gets in trouble because the teacher isn't as aware of how to handle him, he could spend time with someone who could help him with social skills, and work one on one with him (or with a small group of kids) in areas he is struggling in.

3. Choosing teachers for him that are aware of how to handle ADHD, and understand that he isn't just being ornery, but rather has real difficulty in listening, sitting still, and paying attention.

4. Allow him to wear headphones with classical music playing in class when he needs to be quietly working on something.

5. Allow him more time for tests - in a place away from distraction.

Gluten-Free, Jenny McCarthy, and ADHD link to Autism

2009-04-12T17:10:00.003-04:00

Well, I've been doing a lot of research the last week or so on ADHD and Autism and such, because I have a meeting with the principal of his school next week (is it principal or principle?), AND the guidance counselor, AND my husband, AND his teacher, AND some other teacher/ intervention specialist who I don't know. I asked for this meeting, because I want to figure out some intervention strategies for Greg. Although he is going to pass first grade, and we get half good/ half bad behavior reports from his teachers, I really think we could be educating him better. I found him a couple weeks ago, running in circles around the kitchen, banging himself in the head. When I asked him what he was doing, he said he was "getting the dumb out."

WAKE UP CALL!!!

Even though he's going to pass and he doesn't get in as much trouble as he did last year, he is not happy with himself. He is working way below potential and he knows it. I think the only reason that he is getting along "ok" is because he tries so hard and is naturally smart. But unless we do something he is going to fall further and further behind. If he was just ornery, or just had to work really hard to get C's, I'd be ok with it. But that's not it - there is a disconnect between the way he wants to behave and the way he behaves.

So, I woke up the other morning with the thought that I needed to read Jenny McCarthy's book about autism (it's called Louder than Words). I know, I saw her in those MTV shows too, but that doesn't mean she doesn't have something to say when it comes to her son, right? So, I picked it up at the library. And I couldn't put it down. The first thing that shocked me in the book was that her son was diagnosed by a neurologist with autism because of two behaviors: 1. flapping his arms (called stims) 2. lining up his toys symmetrically instead of playing with them. Hello - my son has both of these behaviors. Plus, my son was emotionally distant as a baby, which is another sign. Her son had other health issues as well, whereas my son does not. There is something called the autism spectrum which includes a variety of conditions, like Ausberger's. ADHD isn't officially on it, but maybe it should be.

The second thing I got out of the book is that she saw the best improvement in her son when she put him on a gluten-free (wheat), casein-free (dairy) diet. I grabbed a bunch of books about that, and read about it online, and the theory is that the kids are essentially allergic to those foods, in that their bodies don't process the food like it should, and often a large amount of yeast gets built up in their bodies, which causes strange behavior, like hyperactivity, inattention, and problems processing auditory commands. So, I'm going to try it, what do I have to lose?

How Marriage Changes After Kids

2009-04-07T12:11:00.004-04:00

I thought this article was very insightful about the changes of marriage... and I love the idea that we just need to adapt and change with it - and then we won't really lose anything.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/LIVING/personal/04/07/p.missing.woman.love.with/index.html?iref=mpstoryview

What To Do With Gifted Kids?

2009-03-17T22:10:00.002-04:00

There is a debate going on in Ohio right now regarding funding for gifted education (as well as extending the school year 4 weeks, which is an idea I see NO VALUE in). This article in Newsweek, written by a mom from Beavercreek, Ohio, who has both a gifted child and an autistic child, asks whether or not we should make gifted education a priority: "My [gifted] daughter has the potential for much more. If she were given even a fraction of the customized education that my [autistic] son receives, she could learn the skills needed to prevent the next worldwide flu pandemic, or invent a new form of nonpolluting transportation. Perhaps she could even discover a cure for autism."

I think a voucher program could be a good solution, because we could choose schools that are best for our kids. For example, the school my gifted daughter is at now, is good for her ability. My ADHD son would be better served at the private school he went to last year that we didn't fit into our budget this year.

By the way, "gifted" is a (poorly chosen) title that means that the child has advanced academic ability. For some reason that's the standard label in education. Really it means that a child is very skilled in academics - usually the top 1-5% in standardized testing. The "gifted" term can also include kids very skilled in art or music, although schools often don't identify those children.

Ironically, there are more programs for kids who have advanced skills in sports than those who are advanced in academics. I think our society would be better served by giving academically skilled kids at least the same amount of training and resources we give athletically skilled kids.

Argggh, the government... good intentions, but often atrocious success records. If only it had to be accountable to its customers, and the customers only had to pay for services rendered. But that, my friend, would land the discerning government "customer" in jail for tax evasion.

I Always Knew There Was Something About Doodling...

2009-03-03T10:21:00.003-05:00

The results are finally in... doodling in meetings actually helps us pay attention! According to a recent study, those who doodle in meetings remember 29% more than those who don't. (Source)

Now, if they could only determine that slouching in a chair and staring out the window does the same...

Right and Wrong in Politics

2009-01-31T14:52:00.004-05:00

The Wall Street Journal has an interesting editorial piece about right and wrong in politics. In it, the author identifies how easy it easy for any of us to define right and wrong based on passions:

"In October 1787, amid economic crisis and widespread fears about the new nation's ability to defend itself, Alexander Hamilton, in the first installment of what was to become the Federalist Papers, surveyed the formidable obstacles to giving the newly crafted Constitution a fair hearing. Some would oppose it, Hamilton observed, out of fear that ratification would diminish their wealth and power. Others would reject it because they hoped to profit from the political disarray that would ensue. The opposition of still others was rooted in 'the honest errors of minds led astray by preconceived jealousies and fears.'" (Source)

We've all known that an extreme attachment to religion (Note: religion, I define as a dogma) can cause people to believe wrong is right. Have our colleges and universities embraced a type of religion in their passion for a certain brand of politics?

Is it even possible for us, as imperfect people, to dispassionately, and rationnally, choose right within politics?

Or is the solution for us to each acknowledge how incomplete our ability to choose right over wrong is, and embrace, as the WSJ author states, "an appreciation of the limits of one's knowledge"?

And if we do, who makes the decisions?

Today's a Great Day For All Americans

2009-01-20T13:05:00.003-05:00

Today is a great day. I just watched the swearing in of President Obama, and it made me feel great. I'll admit it, I didn't vote for the guy. I like small government. But I hope today is a day when 40 million black Americans who might have formally felt marginalized - who might have formally felt like second-hand citizens - feel desired, wanted and NEEDED to make this country great as much as the demographic who founded this country.

I know how that feels to a much lessor extent. I'm a woman. And for most of my life, because of my buying into the beliefs of some others, I felt like women had a lessor role to play in the world. I felt like I didn't have the choices men had to take hold of my dreams and follow them. I felt like the dreams I could grab hold of were a much smaller subset of the dreams men had. It wasn't because of my parents, or even men in my life, since all of them have always told me the sky's the limit. Rather, it was because of some limiting religious culture that I had heard and believed. Praise God I'm free of that now. Primarily because of the men and women in my life who kept pushing me to grow outside the boundaries I thought women had.

I wonder if many black Americans have felt that way too. I wonder if they felt like they were in a box, with only a subset of the dreams that white Americans held. I hope that after today they don't feel that way anymore. I hope that if they were in that box, they've broken free from it. I hope they realize God's gift, and His MANDATE to share all they have with the world. I hope they feel like first class citizens in a country that relegated them to the back of the bus just 50 years ago.

So to women, minorities, and anyone else who feels limited - step forth! We need your light to shine now more than ever.

Success is Not Defined by the Stock Market, Thank You Very Much

2009-01-13T16:34:00.002-05:00

You know what, the stock prices may go down, investors may lose trust in the ability to "guess" on the success of the Fortune 500, but I still believe that there are thousands of small business in America who do most of the actual work in this country. What is business anyway, but the buying and selling of products or services? That's still gonna need to happen.

Stock markets crash because there's a group of people who want to make money purely through speculation. The majority of us make money by working hard.

So here's to the hard workers! You're not defined by a bunch of numbers on Wall Street, but by your intelligence, work ethic, and determination. Here's to America's success!

Michael Phelps' "Hyper Focusing" Helps Win Golds

2008-09-15T12:18:00.003-04:00

Per Bryan Hutchinson - "Michael Phelps has ADHD. I am not the least bit confused by what others are describing about his laser like concentration, this mental part of his makeup, believe it or not, is rather normal for most people with ADHD. It is called Hyper Focusing. Hyper Focusing allows us to concentrate on something so intensely that we cannot break away from whatever we are focusing on, it can provide supreme drive and motivation."

Read the whole article here: http://www.adderworld.com/blog1/2008/08/10/michael-phelps-adhd-hyper-focus-concentration-helps-win-gold-medal-in-beijing/

ADHD and Sexism

2008-09-09T23:45:00.003-04:00

On ADHD...For kicks I took an Adult ADHD quiz. It told me I was probably moderately ADHD, and I should see my dr. to be sure. Huh. And here I was blaming his daddy. No Dr. trip for me, though, I'm very used to people getting annoyed with my daydreaming and wanton disregard for convention, thank you very much.

On sexism...I need to admit that I must be sexist. When I heard that McCain chose Palin for VP my heart gave a flutter and I was oh so excited that she was a woman. My heart didn't even stop to ask about her views, background or any such nonsense. I just heard the name "Sarah" and my heart went "yea!". This is my confession.

But what it revealed to me is that I didn't really think the world of men took us women seriously, and for a Republican (aka conservative) presidential nominee to choose a woman... I knew deep down that we had crossed a threshold. Hillary Clinton was close, yes, but she didn't quite make it. No matter who wins the election, Sarah Palin has made it.

I didn't even realize that I had been holding my breath for so long. But I had been holding my breath, or treading water, or something, waiting to be embraced as a person, not a gender. Not as a woman who must wait until all family responsibilities have been taken care of before being able to step into the world, but wanting to be embraced as a person, like Palin, who can be a woman, a mother, a wife, and a leader.

Conversation with my 9-year old daughter about the election

2008-09-02T09:17:00.004-04:00

The other day my 9-year old daughter and I were riding in the car and she was curious about the difference between Obama and McCain.

***

daughter: I just don't know who I would vote for if I were old enough. What are the differences between them?

me: Well, McCain believes we should leave the troops over in Iraq until we are absolutely sure that Iraq can take care of itself, and Obama would like to start gradually bringing troops home now.

daughter: (thinking) I think I agree with McCain on that one - I think it would be better to wait until we have finished. Although I can understand why a lot of people would want the troops to come home now.

me: It's very expensive to get health care right now. McCain believes we should use market strategies to lower health care costs, and Obama believes the government should make sure that everyone has insurance.

daughter: (promptly) I'll have to side with Obama on that one.

me: (some random mumblings about differences that I can't really remember)

daughter: It's really hard to choose between them, isn't it?

(silence for a few minutes)

daughter: But Obama is going to win anyway, isn't he, because he's made a lot more promises.

***

Out of the mouths of babes!

Am I Whiny?

2008-08-26T00:05:00.001-04:00

I’ve felt kind of whiny in my last few posts so I’m going to have a thankfulness post. I’m thankful for:

• Friends, who listen to my ranting and raving and still love me
• My hubby, who ignores my extra pounds and tells me I’m beautiful
• My kids, who give me lots of hugs and kisses
• God, who gives us the ultimate example of love
• My pastor, who believes in my crazy ideas and helps me accomplish them
• My boss, who has stuck with me for the past 10 years and gives me a paycheck as well! He also is very generous to all of us and shares his success
• My parents, who started on a crazy adventure (new business) with me five years ago and are still on that adventure, I cannot thank them enough for their sacrifice and it greatly humbles me
• Our employees, who also have gone on this crazy adventure and believe in it
• My small group, who loves me and my kids, and prays for all of us
• My co-workers, who are so talented, creative, and hard-working. You go!!
• My city, which keeps trying to improve itself against many, many naysayers
• My brothers, who are so protective of their sister, and I love it
• The Bible, which is a never-ending source of comfort and strength
• Trees, which provide wonderful reading posts, clean air, great shelter, scenery and so many things
• Sunsets, which are especially beautiful in my home state
• The internet, which has opened up a whole new world
• Coffee, which needs no other introduction
• And The Great Wolf Lodge, at which I am writing right now, which is fun, fun, fun!

Pickens Plan

2008-08-24T00:04:00.001-04:00

I’m going to get on a high horse for a minute and preach. Don’t get mad at me. If you don’t like what I have to say, then you are allowed to preach at me. It’s ok, I won’t take offense. So please don’t take offense at me.

The reason we are mired in this gasoline/oil mess is because we are cheap.

Yes, you heard me, we are cheap. We are governed by our pocket books. THIS IS WRONG!

I WANT the gas prices to stay high, because that seems to be the only way anything is going to change in this country. We can’t blame the politicians, the Arabians, or even the environmentalists. We can only blame ourselves. We have sold our freedom to the highest bidder, and the highest bidder was the Middle East.

We don’t buy the hybrid cars because they are “too expensive.” We don’t install solar panels because they are “too expensive.” We don’t invest in wind mills because they are “too expensive.” Too expensive, you say? How much is the price of our freedom? How much is the price of our air?

This past year has seen a surge of innovation in alternative energy, and you know why that is? Because we had to pay $4/ gallon in gas and that was the only thing that would motivate us to change.

So let’s not lobby for cheaper gas prices, let’s lobby for a better way of life. Pull out your pocket book and buy a solar cell phone charger. It will be a first step in energy that is better for our environment and our freedom. Sign up for Picken’s Plan or some other energy alternative plan, then put your money where your mouth is.

I’m just as guilty as you. I’ve been giving my money to the cheapest bidder. But I want to change. I’m fixing up my bicycle (with my dad’s help – thanks dad!). I want to start riding my bike to work when possible. I’m asking for a solar cell phone/ laptop charger for Christmas. I’m buying energy efficient appliances. I’m very hopeful that I can install solar panels on my house (that’s a ways away though). I don’t want them to drill for oil in Alaska because that will take the pressure off the consumer to make wiser choices with their dollars.

You probably don’t like me right now, but that’s ok. That’s a small price to pay for freedom.

Don’t Reinvent the Wheel

2008-08-22T23:43:00.001-04:00

"Don’t Reinvent the Wheel"

These are words I despise.

I have heard these words my entire life, ESPECIALLY throughout my four years of college.

Don’t reinvent the wheel.

Excuse me, but I will reinvent the wheel if I want to. America is founded upon reinventing the wheel. We wanted to make a society that was better than the status quo! So if I want to reinvent the wheel, maybe I’ll make one that’s better.

For years I bought into these words. Now I can’t believe I was stupid enough to, even if they did come out of my professors’ mouths. Now I can hardly believe that they did come out of my business professors’ mouths, because of all people, they should be the ones to encourage innovation, invention and entrepreneurship. But it wasn’t just them – I heard it from many others.

Now, I can understand wanting to be efficient and not redundant, BUT telling an idealist college student that she shouldn’t reinvent the wheel doesn’t accomplish that, but rather squashes creativity.

I’ve realized now that I am a little bitter about this because I bought into it for so long. Just like the people who told me my family’s business would never succeed. Well, it’s been succeeding for five years now. Thank you very much. I’ve also been working for a software company that did reinvent the “wheel” and did it better than their competitors. Thank you very much.

The reason our transportation methods are stuck in the 1950s is because people bought into the “Don’t reinvent the wheel” mentality. The reason we’ve gotten nowhere with solar and wind power is because America bought into the “Don’t reinvent the wheel” mentality. The reason Generation X so annoys the rest of America is that Generation X doesn’t buy into the “Don’t reinvent the wheel” mentality. I’m a Gen X’er and I’m proud of it.

So I’m making up a new saying. It goes like this:

“I’m going to reinvent the wheel because my wheel is better than yours.”

I feel better now. Thank you very much.

Celebrating Grandma

2008-08-21T13:48:00.004-04:00

Celebrating my Grandma's birthday today! She is now having some good times in heaven, but we still want to celebrate her birthday in spirit. She had 8 children and no disposible diapers! Whew!! And she created the one of the most loving families in the world. I'm so thankful to be in a family that isn't perfect, but it is filled with love.

“Ritalin Is Not The Answer”

2008-08-20T23:07:00.003-04:00

I picked up this book at the library a couple months ago. When my son was diagnosed with ADHD, I wanted to read everything I could about it. However, I kept avoiding that book because I was afraid it would preach at me. I really don’t like to be preached at. But the last time I was at the library, I felt a little voice tell me to grab it, and so I did.

Once I started reading it, I couldn’t put it down. It was as if the author could read my mind and all the little worries and questions I had about ADHD and lay them bare before me.

The author, David Stein, started out talking about Ritalin and other ADHD drugs. He stated that these drugs are stimulants, similar to cocaine, and we don’t know why they help like they do. So he argued, why would we give our children potent drugs when we don’t know why they help? Why indeed?

Then he talked about some of the causes of ADHD. He believes that the reason we’ve seen such a rise in the numbers of kids diagnosed as ADHD is because we are distracted. Ouch, that hurt. Especially since I noticed that whenever my family has a “normal” week in which we are in our daily routine, my son does much better at behaving in school. When we have a crazy week in which we are running from activity to activity, my son acts up in school. Hmm, is there a pattern there?

Granted, my other children can stand crazy weeks and normal weeks without becoming behavioral problems, true. But all that tells me is that my son is sensitive, and instead of giving my sensitive son drugs, wouldn’t it be better for me to alter my family’s routine? Some food for thought there.

Another point he makes, and this is one that has bothered me before, is that if five or more percent of children are ADHD, how is that a disease? That high of a number would indicate that such behavior is normal. YES, I shouted in my mind, IT WOULD, WOULDN’T IT! So maybe instead of changing my son, I should change the way I am relating to him.

So he lays out a discipline plan that I’ve been trying. Very simply put, it is this: when I see any little discipline issue, I immediately tell my child “Go to timeout.” My child then needs to stay there until he calms down, a minimum of 10 minutes. He must not do anything during this time but stare at the wall, quietly. This must be done at the first sign of any bad behavior - with no warning! And it must be consistant. When he is done with timeout, I should ask him “Why were you in timeout?” and he needs to be able to tell me with no prompting on my part. If he can’t tell me, back in the chair. The reason for this, the author says, is that we have to prompt our ADHD kids to think before they do. That is a lot of their problem, he says. They don’t think, and therefore, they get into trouble. Forcing them to remember why they got in trouble will help them to process it in their mind.

So we’ve been doing this, and it really has helped! Ironically, my ADHD son gets it more than my other laid back son! He will go immediately to the chair and sit quietly, while my other son writhes and cries on the floor in front of the chair.

So, woo-hoo! Kudos to the author! Of course, this won’t solve all my problems with him, but it’s a start. He will start school this week (back to the public school – yikes), so I have no idea if it will help his behavior, but I’m hopeful!

I’m not trying to preach to any other parents out there, but just to say that this book addressed a lot of the little questions that bothered my about ADHD treatment. So if you have those little questions too, read the book and let me know what you think.

And of course I’m going to keep giving him high protein breakfasts, and no chocolate, and praying for him, and such. (Doesn’t every child need all of that?) And monitoring him to make sure he's not feeling depressed, talking to his teacher, and involving him in high energy activities. I’ll let you know how public school goes.

Steven Curtis Chapman Family Speaks Hope

2008-08-15T11:58:00.002-04:00

Last week Steven Curtis Chapman and his family talked about the tragedy of their daughter's accidental death. The ability for them to all speak about it together without bitterness, especially when she was accidentally hit by a car driven by their son, is so hopeful to me. When I hear of tragedies I like this I wonder why God allows them to happen. Why shouldn't a little girl be able to grow up to go to prom? And how can a young man live with that type of guilt?

But the message that comes out of it is that the little girl will be celebrating a 1000 times better prom in heaven. And their son has experienced true, unconditional forgiveness, and healing from his family and God.

So when something like that happens to a family, what is the real tragedy? Is the real tragedy death? Or is it bitterness, unfounded guilt, and hopelessness? I would argue that the real tragedy is not death, but a family destroyed through death because of their reaction to it. The Chapmans have not been destroyed. They have held tight to hope and faith. The family has demonstrated that a tragedy such as theirs isn't the end of the story. Yes, the pain is still there, but love and hope shine through.

You can watch some of their interview here:
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2008/08/08/chapman.maria.message.cnn

And Larry King's reaction here:
http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/bestoftv/2008/08/08/lkl.about.thurs.cnn

Full interview:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9u8T3dL8KYo

Wishing I Were Someplace Else

2008-07-13T17:43:00.003-04:00

This article inspired me today, because I can emphathize with wondering why I feel more alive when I am alone than with my family. The author of this article had taken a few days away from her family to spend alone at a spa (how I wish I could do that!) "Why do I feel more alive when I am running in an empty field or climbing rocks at dawn?" the author asks herself. I have asked myself similar questions many times.

She writes, "I realize that for the first time in a long time I feel...alive, and I ask God, 'How can a person who wants to climb mountains stand in a kitchen and make scrambled eggs? How can a person who longs to run for miles and miles sit in the living room and help with homework, clean up spilled milk and change endless, dirty diapers? How can a person who graduated from an Ivy League university, who wanted to save the world, who spoke in front of hundreds of people, how can she spend most of the evening packing lunches, setting up outfits, reading bed time stories, saying Shema, reading another story, getting another cup of water, and just one more story and....now the baby is up. What do you do when you would rather go sky diving than wake up sleepy children, make breakfast, brush wayward hair and walk to the kindergarten on the corner?'"

After more reflection, she finds her answer: "The same energy I use to reach the top of a mountain, I can use to listen to my child. The same way I can run until I am one with the wind, I can stretch my soul until I am one with His Will. Using the same mind I used to get an 'A' on an Organic Chemistry exam, I can manage my household as if it's one of the Fortune 500s companies."

She meets a 65 year old woman at the spa, and they begin to talk. The woman wishes she could do it all over again. "Do what again?" The older woman answers: "'Raise my children again. I spent all those years wishing I was somewhere else and now that I'm somewhere else, I would give everything I have to go back and be a better mother. We wish away those years, only to beg for them back.'"

I want to save my best energy for my family. It's so hard, but when I'm 65 I want to look back and say that I gave them by best. I gave them 100%. I'm not there yet. But I will keep trying.

Read the author's complete article here: http://www.aish.com/societyWork/women/Date_with_Myself.asp

How Do I Know There Is a God?

2008-06-08T14:38:00.004-04:00

Lightning over the outskirts of Oradea, Romania.

Can you find your way to where lightning is launched,
or to the place from which the wind blows?
You don't for a minute imagine
these marvels of weather just happen, do you?
Job 38: 28-30

Image of the sun taken by a solar optical telescope.

Do you know where Light comes from
and where Darkness lives
So you can take them by the hand
and lead them home when they get lost?

Job 38: 19-20

Photographs of actual snowflakes taken by farmer/photographer Wilson Bentley in 1902.

Have you ever traveled to where snow is made,
seen the vault where hail is stockpiled,
The arsenals of hail and snow that I keep in readiness
for times of trouble and battle and war?

Job 38:22-23

Image of the nebular/supernova remnant W49B taken by NASA.

"Can you catch the eye of the beautiful Pleiades sisters,
or distract Orion from his hunt?
Can you get Venus to look your way,
or get the Great Bear and her cubs to come out and play?
Do you know the first thing about the sky's constellations
and how they affect things on Earth?
Job 38: 31-33

Thunderstorms over Brazil, seen from STS-41-B Challenger in 1984.

Can you get the attention of the clouds,
and commission a shower of rain?
Can you take charge of the lightning bolts
and have them report to you for orders?
Who do you think gave weather-wisdom to the ibis,
and storm-savvy to the rooster?
Does anyone know enough to number all the clouds
or tip over the rain barrels of heaven
When the earth is cracked and dry,
the ground baked hard as a brick?
Job 38: 34-38

Ode to Mom Friends

2008-05-04T15:59:00.003-04:00

One of my friends coined the term "Mom Friends" and I want to give an ode to all of you! You have made my life funnier, lighter, more peaceful, and richer!

Thank you for laughing at my kids' antics when they really weren't funny

Thank you for knowing when my daughter was making me crazy, and calling just at that moment to invite her over to play with your daughter

Thank you for encouraging me to pamper myself a bit

Thank you for giving me great books to read and not minding when it takes me months to give them back (ditto for movies!)

Thank you for discussing those books and movies with me even when we really should be working/ figuring out what the kids are up to/ etc./ etc.

Thank you for only caring about the "shoulds" that really matter

Thank you for hanging out at my house chatting and drinking coffee just as if it was as much fun as going out

Thank you for listening to the same stories over again

Thank you for praying for me, my husband, and my children

Thank you for encouraging and creating mom centered activities

Thank you for going along with me on some adventures that didn't really turn out to be that fun (but the chatting always is!)

Thank you for taking me as I am!

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken. Ecclesiastes 4:12

http://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/Image:Dartagnan-musketeers.jpg

Ah, The Rules...

2008-04-25T12:59:00.002-04:00

Just wanted to give a brief update on our implementation of rules. Interestingly, my KIDS keep adding to the rule list! Can't believe it!

Original list of rules:
1. No whining/crying (unless injured)
2. No fighting
3. No hitting or kicking

Rules added by children:

4. Obey mom and dad (my 6 year old added this one)
5. No name calling (another good one)

It's working, it's working! Now if only Mom (aka me) wouldn't give "second chances" my kids would be in discipline heaven...

"Mom, just put him in the naughty chair NOW, he doesn't deserve a second chance!"

But God gives them, so why not I?

The Power of the Media

2008-04-12T11:07:00.003-04:00

I try really hard not to get too political. It's very hard for me, but I do try. I don't really think what I'm going to say is political, but some people will think it is.

The media does know what power they have to change the world. What they don't realize is how that power is supposed to be applied neutrally. Most of them, however, think they already know how the world should be, and so they write in such a way to enforce their opinions. What they don't realize is that GOOD PEOPLE have been arguing how the world should work FOREVER. They do not have the corner on morality. What they have the corner on is what people read, and they need to realize that their DUTY is to report it as it is, not packaged into something that will CHANGE THE WORLD ON THEIR TERMS.

The reason I am ranting and raving is this article by John R Lott Jr.:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,343671,00.html

An important quote:

"A Nexis search on news stories during the three-month period from July 2000 through September 2000 using the keywords “economy recession US” produces 1,388. By contrast, the same search over just the last month finds 3,166. Or, even more telling, take the three months from July through September last year, when the GDP was growing at a phenomenal 4.9 percent. The same type of Google search shows 2,475 news stories."

"Over 78 percent more negative news stories discussed a recession when the economy under a Republican was soaring than occurred under a Democrat when the economy was shrinking."

To the media: You have power. But as a very wise man once said: with much power comes much responsiblity. Report it like IT IS. I don't want to hear what you think it should be, I don't want you to report because you want to change the world. TRUTH will change the world. SO REPORT THE TRUTH.

Forgive me for my rant.

No TV Good for Mom & Kids

2008-04-11T13:50:00.002-04:00

The week of No TV (with a few exceptions) went suprisingly well. It was hard for all of us, myself especially, because I had to come up with other things for the kids to do. That involves using my brain and a little energy! That's too much to ask in the evening! But it was better all around. Benefits include:

** kids actually getting chores done b/c not watching TV
** no fighting about what to watch
** myself having to engage with the kids instead of disengage, which I've found is my default mode
** kids getting homework done before 5 minutes before school

About the disengage mode... God definitely was showing me that it was my default mothering mode. But why? I was very engaged when kids were little. I was very engaged for the first 5 or so years of mothering. But I have become disengaged now.

I think the reason is that I couldn't get all my to-dos done and engage with the kids as well. So I chose to-dos over kids. AWFUL MOTHER. AWFUL AWFUL MOTHER. I know, I am exaggerating, but when I write it out, it really seems awful. Such a classic defense mechanism. Who knew that I would want to defend myself against my kids? I never dreamed it would be so hard. But I lived up to others' expecatations for so long, and my own expectations, and those are impossible to keep up with. I need to focus on God's expecations. Now that I am much more aware of this, I have been realizing when I would just lazily go along with others' expectations and have been able to stop it a bit. But I just now, while writing this blog, have realized how it affects my relationship with my kids.

That's why I recommend blog writing to all! It's like free therapy!

A Dream From God?

2008-03-06T17:01:00.003-05:00

I had a dream the other night that I decided is from God. It flashed my children's lives in front of my eyes - complete with their hours and hours of television watching. Did I tell you the TV is a big babysitter in our house? Then I heard the message: "No more TV." God would say that, wouldn't he?

So I woke up and decided to put a nix on the TV watching for a week to see what happens.

OK, so I know that a lot of this is my guilt talking, but I don't think it's all guilt. I think it's me really telling myself that life can be better with less TV. Because my kids are behaving like cave men. They fight and fight and fight and fight and I yell and dad yells and it's just not good.

So we also instituted some rules. These would probably be very basic, simple rules at your house, but it's taken me 8 years to come up with:

Rule # 1 - No whining or shouting
Rule # 2 - No fighting with each other
Rule # 3 - No hitting or kicking

Violation of the aforementioned rules results in a time-out the number of minutes as the child's age.

I know you're thinking that any basic parent would have established these rules years and years ago (from infancy probably), but it takes me awhile to catch on to anything discpline related as I am so undisciplined myself.

The Difference Model

2008-02-27T10:30:00.002-05:00

Am reading a very interesting article about autism and how scientists are looking at it differently: "This movement is being fueled by a small but growing cadre of neuropsychological researchers who are taking a fresh look at the nature of autism itself. The condition, they say, shouldn't be thought of as a disease to be eradicated. It may be that the autistic brain is not defective but simply different — an example of the variety of human development. "
From: http://www.wired.com/medtech/health/magazine/16-03/ff_autism?currentPage=1

I've read a lot of material in which people think ADHD is a very mild form of autism - or at least in the same family. ADHD is primarly about social acceptance and the willingness by people to conform to social norms.

I keep asking myself, "is that really so important? Who defines the social norms?"

Our society, and probably most societies, consider conformance to social norms the greatest goal of education. However, our geniuses, Einstein, Picasso, Thomas Edison, Benjamin Franklin, and I would argue Ted Turner (not that I admire him but I think he is a business genius) etc, eschewed social norms. I wonder that if by focusing on the conformance of ADHD children, we are missing out on their strengths, so much so, that eventually, those strengths are hidden for a lifetime. And we've lost another great creative mind.

I'm not proposing any type of institutional solution. I don't think our public school system can adequately serve the needs of these children. I think the solution lies in us as parents training our children that they are created by God, they've been gifted with certain strengths, and they need to develop strengths, all while obeying God's laws, but not necessariliy conforming to societal expectations. They need to be taught that not everyone appreciates their differences, but God does, and they just need to hang low for awhile until they are at the point in their life in which they can use their strengths to serve humanity. Because if they hang-on, they will get their chance.

How's the ADHD Diet Going?

2008-02-12T13:56:00.000-05:00

It's a very altered version of the original ADHD diet, but I've learned a few things. Overview of diet:
** little sugar as possible
** everything organic and hormone free
** Gluten free

First of all, I've learned chocolate is a NO-NO. It really intensifies his emotions. Thankfully, that's not too awfully hard to cut out of a kid's diet. Especially since his new school doesn't seem to pass around candy and chocolate as much as the old. (WHAT IS UP WITH THAT? Is it not hard enough to limit candy and junk food at home without the schools offering it as REWARDS?? But again, I'm not a teacher and don't ever want to be to children under 13.)

Here's what I've been successful at:
** giving him cod liver oil daily - have no clue if it helps, but it makes me feel better
** replaced fake fruit snacks with real fruit leather (no sugar, artificial anything)
** am buying organic milk, eggs and butter, no hormones has to be a good thing, right?
** all natural peanut butter and jelly, his main staple (no added sugar, preservatives, etc)
** shakes with yogurt, ice, real fruit and a tiny bit of sugar - the kids love them! sometimes this replaces junky snacks.

Here's what I've failed at:
** Gluten free.
Ha ha, my attempts at gluten free cooking have been laughable. Here's what's really laughable - my kitchen is stocked with:
- tapioca flour
- white rice flour
- brown rice flour
- xantham gum
- some other stuff I can't remember not even spell right now.

All of this is needed to create gluten free bread. My family almost staged a coup when I tried to serve it too them. I haven't COMPLETELY given up yet, I hate to let something beat me.

** Going completely organic. Can't even find everything organic.

So what have I learned?

#1 - I like going as organic as possible because I think our world would be a better place all around
#2 - chocolate is bad for my boy. Poor kid!
#3 - how am I supposed to measure whether or not it's helping?
#4 - the no added sugar/ all natural stuff tastes really good and why didn't I do this a long time ago? I mean, isn't the added health benefits worth the extra cost? Might save me thousands of dollars in medical bills down the road - who knows?

P.S. I'm not trying to be preachy - I never would have done if the threat of ADHD pharm drugs wasn't hanging over my head. But now I'm kind of glad I've tried the diet out.

Drill Seargent, Anyone?

2008-02-09T00:10:00.000-05:00

My kindergarten son is now home with me Tuesday and Thursday because his new school is only three days. So, I had plans of home schooling fun, with me planning little activities and him working away diligently while I work on my computer (I have to get 8 hours of work in too those days). HA HA HA HA. That was a really funny dream. NOT going to happen.

But I try. I plead, I guilt, I bribe, I threaten Daddy's wrath, but no, not even one little worksheet gets done by my sweet little son. Messes get made, and not cleaned up. I hear "I'm too tired" all day. Or my favorite, "My legs hurt." That is, until the arrival of Drill Seargent.

Mr. Drill Seargent (aka Daddy) walked in Thursday around 5:30 pm, set the timer on the stove, and told my cute little son to clean the office, clean his room and complete three worksheets before 30 minutes was up. Guess what? He did it. No whining, no hedging, and the THREE worksheets he completed were beautiful - pretty cursive writing from a 6 year old.

WHAAAAA???? Am I really that incompetant? Or does it have something to do with male anatomy? Yeah, that would be a good out, but no, it's me. I don't have the drill seargent skills. It's what my son needs, but I really don't know how to go about it. Anyone know of a good military boarding school?

Or any less drastic measures? HELP!!

Bad Day At School

2008-02-05T11:02:00.000-05:00

Wednesday he had a bad day at school. We received a note home that he was disruptive, kept saying he was tired, laughed when he was reprimanded, only completed one page of his work, etc. "Was this the type of behavior he had the at the other school?" Yes, it was. But, he had gone almost three weeks without that kind of behavior at the new school, so that's good, right?

Come to find out - he actually was tired. Fell asleep on the couch before 8 pm that night.

So what does this tell me? It tells me that he is much more susceptible to the environment than my other kids. Last week was crazy in our household, and the kids were shuffled around a lot. Very bad for him. He had a babysitter the night before the bad day. Very bad for him. He must not have slept well. Again, bad.

So, maybe a couple lessons learned?
1. Keep the weekdays as normal as possible for him.
2. Make sure he gets lots of sleep
3. 5 full days of kindergarten was probably too much (he now has 3)

But then why I am his mom? Because I hate predictibility. I thrive in chaos and constant activities.

Organic, Gluten-free, sugar-free craziness

2008-01-24T10:45:00.000-05:00

OK, so there is advice everywhere for kids with ADHD! E-very-where. But that's ok, I'm open to advice. Here's a sampling:
** he needs medication
** medication is bad
** home schooling is the only way to go
** needs a sugar free diet
** it's the red dye
** he should tough it out
** it's a discipline problem
** go to GNC
** gluten-free
** he'll grow out of it

So what's a confused mom to do? ALL OF THEM!!! Well, not quite all, but this is what I'm doing:

1. I'm restricting sugar, buying organic, restricting wheat and any processed foods (kind of following this guy's advice: http://www.oneaddplace.com/adhd-diet.php). I haven't tried the coffee shake yet - sounds interesting! I'm amazed at the world of food choices out there. My local grocery store has tons of organic, gluten free, no added sugar stuff. Simply amazed. And so many recipes online. My grocery bill so far is about double, but I figure that' s a lot cheaper than drugs and visits to the dr. office. And once I get to be a smarter shopper, it will be cheaper.

2. Giving him an anti-oxident drink thingy (this is my husband's idea): http://www.monavie.com/

3. Giving him cod liver oil. This is per GNC. They say it helps connect the neurotransmitters in the brain, which is one thought of what causes ADHD - broken neurotransmitters. Parents have been giving it to kids for hundreds of years so I figure it can't hurt! He doesn't know what it is, it looks like little round pills and tastes like strawberry: http://www.gnc.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2188179&cp&sr=1&origkw=nordic&kw=nordic&parentPage=search

4. Found a new school for him. It's a local Christian school with only 5 kids in his class!!! And his teacher has 30 years experience (you have to love your job if you've been doing it that long) and has a very tight reign on the class. Lots of class participation stuff, so he's not off on his own making trouble.

5. Of course, still praying for him! Not praying that it will be taken away, but that he can function, and God will use his uniqueness for a good purpose.

ADHD, Really?

2008-01-18T22:41:00.001-05:00

So, we didn't tell his school that he has ADHD. We started looking for another school. I've been reading all I can get a hold of regarding ADHD, and they say that the open pod arrangement is the absolute worst for kids with the inattention tendencies. Of course the kindergarten class is all open pod. And it has 26 kids with one teacher.

I really love the school district - I went to high school there. It is very strong academically. Made college seem easy for me. But, I realize it's geared toward kids who have strong academic skills, i.e. the desire to sit around and read, write and analyze. I am one of those people. My son is not.

Ya see, there's all types of intelligence. I've always thought of the types as analytical, social and mechanical. But I guess now there are up to 9 types (??): http://skyview.vansd.org/lschmidt/Projects/The%20Nine%20Types%20of%20Intelligence.htm

My gut tells me that my son is pretty low in the social skills, a little higher in analytical and highest in mechanical. He loves to draw, arrange, and take things apart. He's not bad at putting things back together either. But mechanical skills (roughly summarized - that involving hands/bodies/things) aren't very celebrated in schools. So my little guy gets a double whammy against him because of course if he had social skills he could use his diplomatic powers to at least partially compensate for his lack of desire in academic areas. I'm not blaming the school or teachers - I think kindergarten teachers are saints with all they put up with. But I think he has a rough road to go.

Not sure if his intelligence type is related to ADHD or not. But it has been going through my head while school searching.

By the way, my youngest son was sick so I took him to the family Dr. and casually mentioned to Dr. H that our middle child was diagnosed with ADHD by Dr. Z, and would he need to see him? He said, sure, we need to get him on his medicine. I said, uh, I don't want to put him on medicine right now. At which point he stopped multi-tasking and gave me a 10 minute dissertation on why I should put him on medication (which is why I love my Dr. - because he actually cares to explain things to me). His main reasoning was that kids with ADHD often fall further and further behind in school, which affects their self-esteem, which makes them feel bad about themselves etc. That's why he suggests medication.

OK. My son whizzes through his homework and, when he actually pays attention to tests, scores above average. But at school it is true he falls behind. What does that mean? I don't know. But I know he can do the work quickly and accurately. Just not at school. But it doesn't seem like a reason to medicate him, you know?

(sigh)

My ADHD Journey

2008-01-17T09:00:00.000-05:00

My son, who turned 6 years old in August, started kindergarten this year. We were a little worried, because his preschool teacher had told us she thought he would have trouble listening and paying attention. But, he seems like a normal boy to us when he's at home. A little overly sensitive, and more needing of discipline than our other two kids, but nothing that we think is disruptive to our home.

The first two weeks of kindergarten were fine. Then the "red cards" started coming home. Our public school system uses a card system for discipline:
Green card - great day!
Yellow card - got in trouble once (warning)
Blue card - note home/ miss recess
Red card - trip to principal's office.

Thankfully, since he is in kindergarten, he wasn't sent to the principal's office. But we did receive notes home, calls home, and he missed various recesses.

He was very devastated. Every day when he came home the first thing he would tell me was what color card he ended up with that day. If it wasn't a green card, he would come dragging up the driveway from the bus, his whole body dejected. The fact that getting in trouble so upset him made me think that something else was going on here besides rebellion.

My personal diagnosis was that he has some type of auditory learning disability. When he was two, we had him tested for hearing because he didn't seem to be able to hear us. The next year we tested him for speech because the family doctor thought he was behind. Both tests turned out fine. I did some research on the internet on his "symptoms" and came up with the Auditory Processing Learning Disability. So we took him to our family doctor, and received a referral to a neurological psychaitrist (Dr. Z).

Dr. Z gave him an IQ test, various visual/ audial tests, and an achievement test. He said he tested normal on all of those. But he said that during the testing, which occurred over two different sessions, our son was fidgeting, not paying attention, and having trouble listening. His diagnosis: moderate ADHD.

Top Ten Tools in Child Rearing

2007-08-21T08:53:00.000-04:00

A list of what have so far been my top ten tools in child rearing:

10. Juice boxes, fruit snacks & cheese sticks
9. My support group - my family, friends and church
8. Veggie Tales videos & Superman DVDs
7. A cup of tea and my Bible in the morning
6. Local parks for our "adventures" (thank you, foresighted people, for establishing parks)
5. Baby wipes
4. Finally realizing I can ignore most of what I read in child rearing books
3. Patience, although there is never enough of it
2. Finding something to laugh about even when my children are trying their darndest to put me in the funny farm
1. Prayer on my knees and God who cares to listen!

Ode to Life

2007-03-27T00:55:00.000-04:00

This is just an ode to life. Let me be honest. I am writing this because I'm going to be kicked off my blog since I haven't posted anything in so long. Don't know if there is such a rule, but I'm not taking chances. So I thought I'd give an ode to life.

** Ode to love - and God, who created love, and is the epitome of it - it is so free, so pure, so comforting...

Love never gives up.
Love cares more for others than for self.
Love doesn't want what it doesn't have.
Love doesn't strut,
Doesn't have a swelled head,
Doesn't force itself on others,
Isn't always "me first,"
Doesn't fly off the handle,
Doesn't keep score of the sins of others,
Doesn't revel when others grovel,
Takes pleasure in the flowering of truth,
Puts up with anything,
Trusts God always,
Always looks for the best,
Never looks back,
But keeps going to the end.
- 1 Corinthians 13, The Message translation of The Bible

** Ode to my children - how loving, how free, how loud, how annoying, but oh how much I need them! They make my life better.

** Ode to coffee - how beautiful is the amber brew, how savory the scent, how delicious the taste, and how wonderful the energy boost!

So many more Odes I could give but I'll spare you for now and submit as is.

Lessons of Hurricane Katrina

2006-11-02T23:13:00.000-05:00

Photo - the typical home hit by Katrina in Waveland, MS - 11/1/06.

The lessons learned from Hurricane Katrina are not the lessons I had originally thought were learned. I had originally thought the lessons learned were:

- buy flood insurance
- don't expect any help from FEMA in disaster situations
- maybe reconsider living below sea level

But I think the lessons learned, at least for me are:

- People do care enough about other people to spend money to spend a week volunteering to hang drywall, gut houses, clean latrines and more for strangers.
- God cares more about your heart and your relationship with Him than He cares about your wordly comfort.
- Even though God cares more about your heart and will do anything to win it, he also loves to give good gifts to his children - gifts such as rescue workers at the right place and time - churches - flowers - good food - hot showers - friends - coffee - the list is never ending. He cares about the little stuff even while He is shouting at the top of His lungs to win your heart.

Prayer request - pray for Kim, Melanie, Ann and all the Campus Crusade workers in New Orleans trying to arrange teams over spring break to gut out over 10,000 houses that still need gutted. They haven't even reached the construction phase yet.

Katrina Stories

2006-10-31T22:42:00.000-05:00

Photo: An American flag stands where a home once stood in Waveland, Miss.

Over the last two days we've been meeting residents of Waveland, hanging dry wall, laying tile, cooking food, felling trees, cleaning out-houses, painting, spackling, and doing laundry. Why is it important? Why does it matter that someone's walls get spackled, or floors get tiled? Why? Because over one year ago, these people lost everything, and they wonder if someone cares. It's not about their living conditions - it's about the state of their hearts. Their hearts have felt abandoned and they are overwhelmed.

One of the residents we've been working with was on the cover of Time magazine because of a picture taken by a college student rescue worker - the photo was of this family in their SUV, surrounded by swirling water, the husband in the act of placing the children on top of the SUV in a last ditch effort to rescue their children - rescue workers just minutes away. Any longer and the entire family may have been lost in the waters. But praise God this family was rescued. However, the story doesn't stop there. The family consists of mom and dad and five children. Mom is raising her children in a home that has been gutted - no cupboards - little furniture - with barely the walls in her home, and she has a disease, lupus, that exhausts her. Yesterday she got on her knees and asked God to help her because she couldn't keep up with her household's needs. Within a few hours, Pastor Art (from Camp Katrina, aka Christian Life Center) knocked on her door, to follow-up on the repairs they were making on her home. She wept as she told him about her despair, and that he was an answer to her prayers. Within the afternoon, a team of two women (Melisa included) went to help this mother with her laundry, her dishes, and to clear her kitchen in order for tile to be laid. And her story is still going on as her home is worked on. She prayed and God answered immediately. She knows He answers prayer, and she knows others care.

Another resident has had a hard time accepting help. She had been self-sufficient before the storm and often served in her community - taking food to families - volunteering - and feels uncomfortable asking for help. But the $7000 the insurance company gave her to repair her completely ruined home wasn't even close to enough ($7000 because the roof sustained "wind" damage, yet the rest of the house is considered "flooded," therefore, ineligible for insurance). Now, 14 months after the storm, she's more than realized that she can't fix things on her own. She's been living in a tiny FEMA trailer. Yet she is hopeful - her house has now been dry walled, spackled, and primed by the work teams. She may be able to move in soon. But it's not about the home. It's about knowing that someone cares that she has been living in a barely habitable trailer for 14 months.

Today, when another work team was finishing up dry wall and electrical work, the home owner stopped by. She walked into the home and immediately burst into tears. Because the dry wall had been hung, she could imagine that she might be able to move back in sometime soon. Her husband had been working 2 jobs to help pay the mortgage on their ruined home, and buy supplies one week at a time to help put the home back together. She could now envision them moving back in one day. She has hope.

Because we are sleeping in an old car parts warehouse on rickety bunks, using out houses and thrown together showers, we may feel like we're not in America. Why shouldn't a building have indoor plumbing? Why shouldn't a sleeping quarters have heat? This is America after all! But hurricanes happen. Tragedies happen. And America can fail us. Or, rather, our American lifestyles can fail us. We think we want life to go back to normal, but that's not what we're really after. We want to know that God cares, and that our fellow man cares. We'll never actually go back to where we were before - and we wouldn't want to. When our lives have been touched by tragedy, we grow in ways we couldn't have grown without that tragedy. Because through them God has shown us He really does care about the little things like spackle and paint, He shows us He cares ... He shows us He cares through you and I.

We Made It

2006-10-29T22:51:00.000-05:00

We all made it to Camp Katrina, aka The Christian Life Center of Waveland, Miss. Why are we here? Here are some paraphrases of the reasons we collectively are hear (there are currently about 24 volunteers from churchs in Ohio, New York and New Jersey).

"To take the focus off my own needs, and redirect myself to other people's needs for at least one week"
"Because it's awesome to watch God's timetable work"
"Because I've been so blessed in my life, and I want to share that with others"
"Because it's more about God working in our lives, then really what we have to offer to others. The work we do is tangible and relevant, but the work God does on us is even more important (first commandment - love God/ second commandment - love others)"

The above are just some of the reasons shared tonight. Since my internet time is very short and coming to a close, I'll leave the blog now, albeit rather unfinished. Hopefully I have enough time to upload some pictures as well.

Prayer request of the day:

That God's spirit will protect us from any of Satan's attempts to hinder what is happening here with us personally, and with the community of Waveland as a whole.

Camp Katrina Here We Come

2006-10-28T06:45:00.000-04:00

2 1/2 more hours and couting before we get in our little (I mean that literally) vehicles and drive, drive, drive to Waveland, Mississippi. We'll stop tonight in Huntsville, Alabama, before driving another six hours to our destination.

Serving in this way is a privelege, I believe. Some of the best times of my life have been spent in trips like these - digging out homes flooded by the Mississippi River - a weekend spent in inner city Chicago - clean up weekend in Indianapolis. All of those events stand out as highlights of my life. So when someone says "that's a really nice thing to do" when they hear about the trip, I really think to myself "I feel so fortuntate to be able to leave my family for a week and be a part of this. It is a privelege." Because often God calls us to serve him in the mundane. When we are a part of something like a work or missions trip, we are able to feel that we are tangibly making a difference. It's harder to see if/when we are making a difference when we are entangled in the every day to-dos of life - working 8-5, cleaning, grocery shopping, yard work, taking care of kids, yadadada. Yet I believe our daily work is a very important part of what God calls us to do. Our daily work builds our character (Romans 5:3-5). Trips like this one encourage us, build us up, and recharge us away from the character building drill camp of daily life God's been taking us through for however long.

So please rejoice with us! We are leaving on an adventure today and we are so excited to do so. I'll try to update this blog everyday. Today it was just my thoughts since I'm sitting in my home alone as I write this. But ongoing, this blog will contain the thoughts of all the trip members.

Prayer request of the day:
Safe traveling

Psalm 4:8 I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety.

Dobbs: Keep religion out of politics

2006-09-29T07:46:00.000-04:00

I apologize for taking such a long hiatus, but it look awhile for me to recover from my week long vacation in August.

I have to comment on the article written by Lou Dobbs on cnn.com entitled "Keep religion out of politics." To me it exemplifies the lack of critical thinking often exhibited in the media. He doesn't even try to defend his hypothesis, rather he just spouts off his personal views and hopes we'll buy them.

I don't think I can cut and paste the article here, but here's a link to the article so you can read it yourself: http://www.cnn.com/2006/US/09/26/Dobbs.Sept27/index.html

This is my response to the article that I emailed to cnn.com:

I've noticed that even though I can comment on the writings of guest columnists, I cannot comment on Lou Dobbs column, unless there is another way to comment that I have missed? If so, please instruct. Or you may just forward my below comments on to him.

Mr. Dobbs, it is interesting to me that I am not supposed to choose a candidate who most closely matches the values I have learned from Jesus Christ through my church, such as feeding the poor, giving hospitality to strangers, and defending the oppressed. In what way should I choose a candidate then? Should I choose a candidate because my labor boss says he is most likely to protect my job even when it becomes obsolete and a drain on the company I work for? Or should I choose a candidate because a financial expert tells me she will save me the most money in the long run? I guess it's alright for my labor boss to tell me which candidate most closely aligns with the values he holds dear, but it's not alright for my pastor to do the same.

I believe you are not advocating separation of church of state, which holds that no LAW should be made respecting an establishment of religion, but rather you are advocating the removal of what are considered “religious” values from the public arena. And that I cannot condone.

Where Does Romance Go After Marriage?

2006-08-15T22:29:00.000-04:00

I've asked myself this question many times after marriage - where does the romance go? It seems that once the ring is on the woman's finger, the husband gives a big sigh of relief, "whew, I made it, she's mine, now on to the rest of my life..." and immediately starts planning what he's going to do with his free time. The wife is thinking, "Yes, romance is mine forever!" and immediately starts planning what to do within all the time they'll spend together. Anyone who has been married for more than a year knows the both of the above views are unrealistic. But I've learned that romance doesn't disappear, it just changes colors in order to adjust to a new lifestyle, like a chameleon changes colors to adapt to his environment.

So, here are some of the places romance goes...

1. It moves to the kitchen, like today when I needed a break from my exhausting day, so I left the dinner table to take 10 minutes, and 20 minutes later, when I made it downstairs, I found my husband leading the kids in a rapid-fire home clean-up. Now that is romance! Seriously, that is more romantic than roses on a day like today.

2. It moves to the backyard, where my husband leads the kids in a rousing round of imaginary pirate conquests, even after he's come home from a long, exhausting day at work.

3. It moves to 11 pm on a weeknight when we finally get the kids to bed and the house semi-picked up and put in a movie to steal some alone time. Who needs to be awake for work anyway?

4. It moves to 4 am when my husband acknowledges my barely audible pleas for him to get out of bed and see what our 2 year old is crying about, and uncomplainingly hauls himself into the nursery to change a wet diaper, wet crib and wet toddler.

5. And it's still there in the rare dinners out that end up costing us a day's wages because of the arm and leg we need to pay the babysitter.

5 Ways Moms Can Impact Their World From Their Home Computer

2006-07-27T08:01:00.000-04:00

Sometimes moms, especially those of young children, feel isolated from the world, and feel they don't have much to offer. I want to suggest five ways that moms can positively impact their world from their home computer.

1. Invest in SRI funds.

SRI stands for Socially Responsible Investing. There are a plethera of mutual funds that have been designed using social or values-based criteria, investing only in companies that meet the criteria setup by the fund. For example, there are mutual funds that invest only in companies that pay above-average wages, or that donate x amount of their profits back to their local community. There are mutual funds that do not include any companies that sell cigarettes or alcohol. The criteria can be different for each mutual fund, so select carefully.

If you have a 401k through your employer, you may be able to select the funds that your invest in. Or you could setup a Roth IRA for your retirement, selecting only SRI funds. The options are endless, and you are definately impacting your world. When money talks, people listen!

For more information, visit:
http://www.socialfunds.com/
http://www.fool.com/Specials/2001/sp010329.htm

2. Buy Fair Trade gifts.

A company that has been certified Fair Trade is a company that pays its employees livable wages, has acceptable working conditions, and gives back to the local community. What a difference these companies make for its workers, especially in third world countries! Most products are hand-made, and are excellent gifts because of the uniqueness and quality craftmanship of the item. An excellent online shopping site is: http://www.tenthousandvillages.com/catalog/shop.php

For more information about Fair Trade certification, visit:
http://www.ifat.org/

3. Donate online.

Many organizations accept online donations. You may donate to alleviate hunger, help natural disaster victims and victims of war. Your church denomination may accept donations online for local causes or worldwide missions. Just make sure you are familiar with the organization and that it has been proven to spend its money wisely.

4. Send a thank you email to someone who is serving others.

Those who help others are not often thanked. They are criticized, over-worked, and under-paid, but not often thanked. Why not send an email to your local firemen, your pastor, the missionary your church supports, or your elected officials? To find the email addresses, visit your city's web site, your church denomination's web site, or http://www.firstgov.gov/Contact/Elected.shtml for elected officials. They be shocked to receive an email that isn't critical! And you'll have given them a boost of energy to keep serving.

5. Be informed about your political leaders so you can make wise choices at the polls.

One of the best ways to serve your country is to vote wisely. Know who you are voting for, what they stand for, and if they follow their words with action. The internet is filled with information regarding our elected officials. Just be sure that you examine the motives of the web site you are gathering the information from before trusting it.

A good source is the official Congressional Record: http://www.senate.gov/

Alright mom, you've now been empowered to impact your world. You can do it right now! Impact your world!

Why Do We Punish the Youthfulness We Envy in Our Kids?

2006-07-23T21:49:00.000-04:00

Why is it that we punish the youthfulness in our children's lives that we so desire in our own lives?

I'll give you an example. Children are naturally honest. However, we train them to hide their natural feelings. We train them to say yes when they really mean no.

"How much broccoli would you like, Rachel?"
"None, Mommy," says Rachel.
"None? Let me rephrase. Eat your broccoli or go to bed."

"Would you like to go clean your room?" asks Mom.
"Nope, I'm watching cartoons," answers Greg.
"Did you just say no? Why don't you try another answer, mister."

In college, I had a class on communication that was very helpful to me. The professor actually spent the majority of the class time on training us how to communicate honestly. In class, we had to act out certain scenarios with each other and actually say no to our classmate. For example, my partner would say to me, "Will you help me with my homework tonight?" Instead of answering with, "I have a lot to do tonight, sorry," which of course would be a dishonest excuse, I had to answer, "No, I'd rather not," without apologizing at all for my negative response. It was extremely difficult for most of us in the class to respond, even in a fake exercise, with a truly honest answer. Why? Because we were punished for our honesty in our youth.

Let me give you another example. How many times as children were we told to "settle down," "sit still," or "stop getting so excited"? Yet as adults, how much money do we pay to try to re-create that energy and excitement? I just paid $180 for two tickets to a concert last week for that very reason. I wanted to have one night where I could dance in the hallways if I wanted to. Children naturally dance in the hallways! But as adults we continually squelch their natural enthusiasm because of our need for comfort and predictability. We don't want anyone to be "offended" by our child's spontaneous behavior. We don't want to have to move to the side of the hallway because a child is dancing down the center, as that would be undignified. Instead, we spend money on personal trainers to try to motivate us to get movement back into our lives. We collectively pay millions to watch an actor who hasn't lost his childlike energy (Johnny Depp anyone?). All of this because the natural enthusiasm in us was hijacked by well-meaning adults.

OK, one more example. Children are naturally "themselves." My son, for example, is an introvert and needs alone time. There have been times when his need for alone time has made other people very uncomfortable. In fact, his first babysitter, when he was an infant, quit because he didn't respond to her methods of putting babies to sleep. She was used to coddling, rocking and snuggling babies to sleep. However, my son didn't respond to that method - he just wanted to be put in his crib and left alone. She couldn't deal with that, so she quit. Now, at age 4, he still enjoys playing outside alone with his trucks, and is the most well-behaved when other children aren't around. But I know what is going to happen when he starts school. Extroverted children are the most rewarded in school. The children who are outgoing, bubbly and go with the crowd are the most loved by teachers and the most popular. My son is not going to be one of those children. So, he is going to need to find a way to fit in the system without changing himself. Hopefully he will stay true to himself, but there will be people who will try to change him. I know, because I have a similar personality. I tried to re-invent myself in junior high - I tried to become an extrovert. That caused me to feel uncomfortable about myself for some time. I still loved my school experience, but it took me until college to realize that my natural personality was just as valid as what I thought was the "norm" personality. As an adult, I have had to re-learn my natural self. And I know I'm not the only one, because I often hear on reality shows, "be true to yourself, man, and your music (dancing, fill in whatever) will be so much better."

The above are just three examples of ways that we look down upon the youthfulness of children, and yet spend millions of dollars to reclaim that youthfulness for ourselves as adults. I am challenging all of us to rethink the rules we put upon our children. As parents, we need to enforce only the rules we truly believe in for our children. We shouldn't let "society" write those rules for us.

The Result of My Experiment

2006-07-18T09:34:00.000-04:00

I decided to try the experiment of "losing my life in order to gain it" for a couple weeks. It's been an interesting experiment. It hasn't been easy - it's been rather painful. The painful part of it has been setting aside my own to-do list for the interests of my husband and children. But what I've discovered is that I'm all about doing and not about being.

I don't want to be all about doing. A little bit of doing is ok, but not when it gets in the way of being.

"Being" means that you don't have to accomplish x, y, z on your list in order to live a fulfilled life.

"Being" means that your stress level doesn't rise 100% and your ears don't turn red when someone interferes with your to-do list execution.

"Being" means that you can enjoy being with your children just because you are with them - not because you are training them for Major League Soccer, or the 2020 Miss America pageant.

I've always had a million things on my to-do list. Here's my current to-do list:
1. Full time job and its million to-dos.
2. Get passport photo. Apply for passport.
3. Strip wallpaper in daugter's room. Paint and redecorate before she returns from trip with grandparents.
4. Order new items for gift shop at coffee house. Inventory new items. Bar code, price and display new items.
5. Create online shopping web site for coffee house.
6. Create web site for CRAVE and for band.
7. Create newsletter for CRAVE.

And those are just the things I want to get done this week.

Nowhere on my to-do list is reading to my children, going for a walk with my family and watching the sunset. I try to squeeze those intangible goals in between the lines of my very tangible to-do list. What sense does that make?

Sometimes we have to do what we have to do. Many of us, myself included, have to work. So when I work, I try to do it with my whole self and work diligently. Yet, most of the items on my above task list are voluntarily. They are there because I have some internal voice in my head saying, "If you don't accomplish something important, what good are you?" Of course, rationally I know that everyone has worth regardless of accomplishment. But my irrational self still motivates my rational self to take on tasks in order to feed its irrational need for self-identity through accomplishment.

I am still somewhere embracing the lie that my life needs to read as a Who's Who in order to have made it. But the Wise Man who told me to lose my life in order to gain it said that precisely because He knew that lie existed.

So my experiment is still going on. The lie is exposed and I'm attempting to internalize the truth.
My first step is to trash my cursed to-do list.

Why Am I So Boring?

2006-07-07T08:22:00.000-04:00

My sister-in-law writes a hilarious blog about her life as a stay-at-home mom. Whenever I sit down to write a blog it turns into some kind of philosophical diatribe. That makes me feel very boring.

Why am I so boring? I blame it on genes. My personality style is INTJ which is the preferred personality style for CIA analysts (no, not the interesting operatives), and it does describe me to a T. But behind my boringness, there is a lot going on. It's probably the same with all of us! Remember that whenever you label someone. You are seeing 10% of them, another 90% is probably hidden behind their facade.

See? I turned another simple question into a philosophical sermon. Oh well, I guess God made me that way. To find out about your personality style, go to http://www.humanmetrics.com/ and take the Jung Typology Test. Then remember that everyone has hidden aspects to their personality, and be a little slower to apply labels.

If I Lose My Life, Will I Find It?

2006-07-06T09:46:00.000-04:00

I'm currently trying to find out what it's like to "lose my life," in order to find it (see previous blog). The most difficult part of it is choosing to play with my children when I feel I should be checking my email/ doing the dishes/ reading a book/etc. etc. It's painful, but I am reaping some rewards.

The main reward is peace of mind when I choose to set aside what I am doing to focus wholeheartedly on my children. When I do focus on them, I replace my normal multi-tasking state of mind (you know, when you are replying to an email, while talking to a colleague on Skype, while listening for the dryer, while making sure the kids aren't running into the road?), with a focused state of mind. I can answer one of my son's many questions about how electricity works intelligentally instead of just nodding absent-mindedly. I can watch my daughter's elaborate dance routine and truly see it, instead of just vaguely clapping when I sense that she is giving me the "Mom, what did you think?" look. The reward is peace and the feeling that I am doing my job as a mother - that I am actually training my children a little bit at a time.

Of course, I can't make the choice to focus on my kids 100% of the time because I still have a full-time job. Working from home offers me flexibility but it also creates tough choices. Do I make the deadline or spend more time with my children? Sometimes the answer is to put in a DVD and let the TV babysit the kids while I work. I don't know all the right answers, but I do know that God intervenes to help me balance all the craziness. The more I make the choice to "lose my life," the more He intervenes, and the more I am at peace.

Why Can't I Control My Own Life?

2006-06-28T22:45:00.000-04:00

I asked my husband today why I am discontented with my life when I have so many great roles. I have a full-time job as a product development manager, I am co-owner of a coffee house, I am a mother and wife, and I love singing backup in a band. All of these roles are interesting, challenging and often exciting. However, they can leave me frustrated and discontented. His answer to me was, "Because you want more control."

He's absolutely right. I want to be able to control at least one of the roles in my life. In my full-time job, I want to make the decisions regarding our company's priorities. At the coffee house, I want to control the quality of customer service. As a mother, I want my children to be perfectly behaved. As a wife... well, I've given up any semblence of control over my husband. Yet as a member of a band, I want to influence the music in some way.

Part of the reason I started this blog was that I would have some control. I can control what gets printed on this blog. I have ultimate decision making power! That makes me at least a little happy.

A wise man once said, "Whoever finds his life will lose it, and whoever loses his life for my sake will find it " (Jesus Christ - Matthew 10:39). I have been trying to find my life for over 30 years now, yet I don't feel any closer to my goal. What would it look like to lose my life? I think it would look like this... supporting and advancing the decisions made at my organization... trusting the management of the coffee house to my husband (since it is his job)... playing in the mud puddles with my sons... watching a movie with my husband without folding laundry at the same time... relinquinshing music decisions to more talented musicians than I.

I'm going to challenge myself to try to lose my life for one week. I'll let you know if I find it.

Why Won't My Children Listen to Me?

2006-06-27T11:30:00.000-04:00

I was dragging my four year old son up the stairs to put him in bed three hours before his bed time, when I wondered, why doesn't he listen to me? I had made a simple request, "DO NOT turn on the water hose." But still he walked right over to the outside faucet and turned on the hose. He knew that he would have to go inside early. He knew there would be consequences. But he went ahead and did it.

Why did he do it? Because his life agenda is different than mine. His life agenda is to explore, experiment, and otherwise have as much fun as possible. His life agenda does not match my agenda for him. As I work to train him properly, I realize that he needs to follow the rules, contribute to the household, be considerate of others, and learn to read, all while taking out time for having fun. But the first four items on my agenda for him are not on his agenda, resulting in his disobediance.

My daughter's agenda aligns more closely with mine. As the first born, she naturally embraces the responsibility of helping the household. She understands the need for learning and for chores, along with fun. As a result, she rarely disobeys me. Is that because she's a better child than my son? No, it is because her agenda naturally aligns more closely with mine.
My goal is to help my son expand his agenda to include others. Currently his agenda is narrow and focused only on himself. My job is to broaden his outlook, persuade him that being considerate of others and helping around the house is something worthy of his time and attention, and find ways to allow him to pursue his other goals, such as exploration and experimentation. On my side, I need to better understand his desire to experiment, so I can provide outlets for his enthusiasm, and possibly help him channel it productively. We've started out very far apart in our life views. I hope and pray that by the time he is 18, we'll be much closer.